My newest coworker keeps dressing below business casual so I try to keep it classy
Also featured: the Kohler Cimmaron Comfort Height 2-piece 1.28gpf Toilet with Touchless Technology and Electronic Heated Bidet Seat with Warm Air Drying, Deodorizer, and Remote in Biscuit.
Last week, someone left a Yelp review of the restaurant I work at stating socially awkward people shouldn’t be greeters.
Fuck you, too, asshole.
hey guys it’s time for the DYSTOPIAN FUTURE DANG!
OK so yeah, YA dystopia, we got cameras EVERYWHERE and they’re watching you and shit happens cause of THAT, and also people are stoned and sad and angry and the government is basically evil and LIES SUPER OBVIOUSLY ALL THE TIME ABOUT SHIT, like there is a TV in a WINDOW (I dunno why it’s always in a window it’s a thing) saying just shit like THERE ARE SPIES AMONG YOU WHO WANT TO DESTROY OUR WAY OF LIFE WITH EXPLOSIONS, but they’re the ones who’re exploding the shit? Man who even FALLS for that.
And the protagonist is like not POOR but there’s this looming threat of poverty OVER her? She’s a girl, like the protagonist is ALWAYS a girl, because that is how dystopias are supposed to BE NOW I GUESS? Man dystopias were cool back when it was dudes BUT NO NOT ANYMORE. But anyway there’s gotta be a like some sort of OMINOUS CLOUD OF POOR and it’s intended to provoke HORROR how POOR these other people nearby are and the girl is like AT LEAST I’M NOT THAT BAD OFF even though she’s got it mildly rough.
And you’re going THAT’S NOT REALISTIC BECAUSE SHE IS A GIRL AND SHOULD HAVE GIRL PROBLEMS like I dunno, texts and mascara? what problems do girls have? - but no, OMNIPRESENT CAMERAS and MAYBE UNSUBTLE PHYSICAL CONTROL and FEAR OF THE LOSS OF ONE’S LIMITED AUTONOMY WITHIN ONE’S OWN MIND AND SKIN?
Man what is UP with YA dystopias haha, these problems are SO UNREALISTIC, she should be thinking about shoes or some shit.
But the big thing is probably these poor people and of course they are legitimately scary and WE CAN’T HAVE THAT FOR OUR HEROINE. Sure the cameras are bad but the big thing we’re supposed to worry about is like WHAT IF SHE ENDS UP POOR oh noes. The big thing about dystopias is that they are where the WRONG PEOPLE are poor because poverty is supposed to be a state of MORAL JUDGMENT.
And so the impoverished masses and the imagery associated with them - inexpensive garments and untidy rooms and specific foods and INFERIOR TASTE IN MEDIA CONSUMPTION and definitely none of this is just-barely-coded as black/immigrant/otherwise nonwhite or anything, COLORBLIND SOCIETY DOGG - that stuff all like exudes this sense of HIDEOUS OTHERNESS and dank cold innumerable crawling shit on your skin, y’know like with Lovecraft and foreigners or DUDE FICTION and zombies.
Oh hey there are no zombies probably because that is for DUDE FICTION and that is about A DIFFERENT SORT OF DYSTOPIA, like the problem THERE is that there’s all these MINDLESS DRONES all over, the problem’s not people who got OVERPOWERING VOICES - like governments with TV programs - it’s the ones who DON’T, who just WANT SHIT, and they are ALL AROUND YOU, and they are taking STUFF TO WHICH YOU ARE PLAINLY ENTITLED. All these other people who AREN’T REALLY PEOPLE.
I mean zombies obviously, what else COULD I mean.
So you can’t really communicate with them and there’s not point in every trying and NO NEED TO FEEL GUILTY you just gotta SHOOT IN THE HEAD. ‘cause that is the ONLY ALTERNATIVE, like organized resistance is no good cause the zombies aren’t organized, so you don’t have any obligations towards anyone but the person right next to you, you don’t have to think, just SHOOT PEOPLE. I mean zombies. Zombies aren’t people, it’s fine.
but girls don’t do that because they’re wusses probably, they gotta have conspiracies and shit because they like the POWER OF FRIENDSHIP like a bunch of My Little Ponies or something, but no actually that show’s awesome. The girl YA dystopias are all about like, joining forces with a bunch of different kinds of people and being INSPIRING with your PURE HEART because if you ever have a bad thought ever then you are worthless as a person.
And the heroine DOESN’T KNOW SHIT ABOUT WORLD PROBLEMS because it’s not like she’s done any research or anything or ever cared about them much, not until the beginning of the story when they became INTIMATELY PERSONALLY RELEVANT TO HER due to some family tragedy or a love interest or something.
But see the fact that she is normal - normal people DON’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE’S PROBLEMS UNTIL THEY’RE PERSONALLY AFFECTED, because come on, politics is bullshit - the fact that the heroine is normal is what makes her decision, when straight-up forced to be good, to GO AHEAD AND BE GOOD I GUESS so INSPIRING TO THE OTHER REVOLUTIONARIES who were already doing this long before she got there and sacrificed a lot more.
But she’s INSPIRING because of her BURNING SPIRIT because no one else has a spirit that does much burning due to the nigh-solipsistically narcissistic tendencies of the standard American narrative of political change (wait what did I say I just fucked up this blog post’s tone here). Also she’s white, and that’s important because minorities are BIASED so you can’t trust them when they do ACTIVISM because they’re just IN IT FOR THEMSELVES. Which she is not. She is the heroine. (Also: not poor.)
But you know what, maybe everything is going to end up fucked ANYWAY in spite of how fucking INSPIRING the heroine’s noble spirit was and how many ZOMBIES the straight guy STRAIGHT-UP SHOT, because you know what people really suck, it’s not like we’ve ever accomplished anything, it’s not like we ever manage to SOLVE PROBLEMS or like the WORLDWIDE QUALITY OF LIFE HAS GONE UP RATHER THAN DOWN OVER THE PAST CENTURY.
Clearly that is not the case because I took a lit class once and MODERN LITERATURE IS ALL ABOUT DESPAIR, and that’s how you gauge the success of an era right? And I mean sure, the stuff we consider LITERATURE is by and large by RICH STRAIGHT CISGENDERED RACIST ABLEBODIED WHITE GUYS who hate their moms, that being coincidentally a group that’s lost a lot of the unearned privileges which shore up its pathetically fragile self-esteemses over the past hundred years. The air of IMMINENT DOOM and ENTITLED DISAPPOINTMENT which pervades our narrative of the future is TOTALLY JUSTIFIED FOR EVERYONE not just those dudes, and therefore all the dystopia writers are being totally reasonable in buying shares of GRIEF FOR THE TARNISHED AGE OF MEGAWHITEY.
basically I am not going to read your goddamn dystopian SF novel.
ALL THE HOMESTUCK FLASH MOVIES EVER in one tidy youtube video